Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
