i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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