When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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