I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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