I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
