I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
