I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
