I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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