He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
