you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
