I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We're too hungover to prance.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize