and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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