Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
