my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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