My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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