and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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