hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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