She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
