She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
