I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
