My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize