so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You left your phone here
Wait...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
