i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
