tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
