i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
