I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
