WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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