Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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