I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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