Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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