grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
