do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
