I feel like abortions should bother me more
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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