roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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