uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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