her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
