i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
