White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
