There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
