i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
