i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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