Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize