The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
