ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
