I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
