my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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