I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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