can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
