Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
