i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
