DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
