Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
