I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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