Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
