I like to think it a success when the cops are called
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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