Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
