how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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