batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
