summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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