she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
