You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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