Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
