if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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