the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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