The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
