So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize