But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
