You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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