So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
