Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I forget how to act sober
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
