evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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