Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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