i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize