I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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