imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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