I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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