what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
