guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize