3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
