my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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