i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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