Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
