when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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