Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You took a bar mat shot.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
