i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
