remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
