Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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