I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
