Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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