I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Still dying that you shit outside
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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