I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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