I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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